News and Society

The other day, I went to a nice Jewish boy's birthday party, well, not really a boy, he's 50 now, but he looks young. Anyway, he loves the US like I do, so we got him red, white, and blue birthday candles, the trick kind that you can't blow out. He figured out right away they were trick candles, and smiled, and everyone knew, that he knew. Now then, this gave me a really good idea.

Why don't we flood the Middle East market with US Flags that are fire retardant, in essence working like those candles in reverse, the fire keeps going out, and makes the protestors look stupid, not that they don't already look pathetically childish in their rage making everyone in the world laugh at their ignorance and wondering about their IQ levels, but this would make them look even sillier. What if our flags no longer burned, and if the Middle Eastern anti-American haters did try to burn the flag they wouldn't be able too, and if that flag burned it wouldn't be authentic, it would be known to be a Chinese knockoff for instance.

Another thought would be to coat these flags not only with fire retardant, or fire retardant fibers mixed in with the regular fibers of the cloth, but also with superficial threads with a special coating which would give off colors. In other words it would be a dazzling display of mini-fireworks coming from the flag in red, white, and blue, but the flag, it wouldn't burn it would still be there. As they tried to stomp on top of the flag to put the fire out, they would have red, white, and blue on their shoe. It would be a dazzling display of American innovation and strength.

Now you're probably asking me as the coordinator for a think tank which happens to operate online if all of this is possible.

In fact, I've done some checking with my friends who work with special coatings and nano-fabrication, and it turns out it is totally possible, it is something that perhaps we should do. Boy that would just frustrate the heck out of them, they would try everything in the world to burn our flags, but all in vain. Another strategy might be to coat the flag with sleeping gas. As soon as they went to burn the flag, all the gases coming off from the coating on the threads would put everybody to sleep who even breathed in a little bit of the fumes. Indeed I hope you will please consider all this and think on it.

Lance Winslow is a creative genius and retired entrepreneur, knowing now in hindsight that nothing is impossible.

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